The Misadventures of the Modern Vampire (pt 1)

Whether dealing with the consequences of not feeding, or enduring stupidity there seems to be never a dull moment as a vampiric person (and usually not in a good way). This is a new segment I hope to continue on in the future. It could be stories, quotes, or screen caps of conversation. Anonymity is kept by blocking names. Some content not appropriate for individuals under 18. 



Screen Shot 2015-10-04 at 5.53.37 PMTo be entirely fair, my misadventures being a modern vampire mostly have to do with the modern vampire community itself. At least the funny ones… The rest is mostly depressing, sad or painful.


Screen Shot 2015-10-04 at 5.37.51 PMHer: “I will do anything for you, and I will trust you completely. Nothing you could say will drive me away!”

Me: “I need to drink your blood.”

Her: “I’m not sure about that.”

Me: “okay, I’m going to need some personal space to reconsider our dynamic.”

Her: “You are so cruel and neglectful of my needs! I deserve better!”

Me: -_____-

(Finding a Donor on Fetlife, the struggle; V/Vamp, PD/Potential Donor)

Screen Shot 2015-10-04 at 5.30.37 PM V: I did ask you to pick out how you want me to draw blood: and if you like the claw ring that is the least painful, but I do like blades. I can’t get needles and all that from the pharmacy here, though.

PD: Could you use a blade on my ball sack?

V: I told you this is not sexual. If this is what you have in mind, I will have to say goodbye.

PD:  It’s not. Just trying to be helpful. You know that the best vein is in the bottom of the sack. Then no marks can be seen. Think about it anyways, and see what you want.


Screen Shot 2015-10-01 at 8.55.59 PMWorst thing I can think of, is a twilight fanatic tried to become my best friend… and only talked about twilight. kept asking why I didn’t behave the same way the ‘vampires’ in that story did. Or what ‘abilities’ did I have, ect. Constant comparison to twilight… Wanted someone to shoot me or her to make it stop. 6 months I had to put up with that because I was stuck in the same class as her, and she always sat next to me.

Screen Shot 2015-10-01 at 9.13.38 PMI think at least one story should be what us females have to deal with on sites like FetLife: “I can be a donor, but you can only get blood from my c**k! … Needles or scalpels?? NO WAY!” How the hell do you think I’m going to get blood from there, then?

“I want to be your slave I’ll do anything..wait giving you blood means potential scarring? Actually….I just learned my hard limit.” Because that’s my life.

He joined a group on Facebook which is meant for Kin, Therians and Vampyres. He introduced himself as a sanguine who is looking for similar beings. I added him just for fun.

After a little bit of smalltalk, I asked him about his intentions. This was the point he told he has started living by the “Book of Nod”, for which google told it may be written by the biblical figure of Kaine.
Screen Shot 2015-10-02 at 5.37.41 PM
His full sentence was: “My Name is Max R. Son of the count Dracula and child of Kaine. I recently started reading the Book Of Nod and will live by its philosophy.”

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